Thursday, October 22, 2009

I miss me.

It's a weird thing to watch yourself become someone you're not used to, and someone you don't understand. Once upon a time, I knew myself so well. If I was in a bad mood, I knew why. I was so solid in my beliefs and I was not going to waver on them. I could assert myself well and let people know exactly what I was thinking. I was quick, able to come up with fast responses when questioned. I was fun. I had fun.

I don't know who I am. I think I've stopped caring. And I know exactly when this started. It was when I moved to the States for university. I was thrown into a place where I understood nothing and the best I could do was try to cope. I'm still trying to cope.

I don't know what I believe about life anymore. Maybe it's because, as some would say, I've lived a sheltered life and haven't been able to socially flourish. Or maybe it's because I have been presented with so many different ways of believing that it has taken me so long to figure out what I believe is true and right.

I'm disappointed in myself. I've been hiding. I don't show people the real me most of the time. Maybe it's because I don't know who that is anymore.

Bottom line: I'm trying to figure me out. I'm trying to figure my beliefs out. If I'm confusing, or if you don't understand me, you're not the only one. Be patient. I'm getting there.